By: Jerry Plaza
GAY GUYS
We were together for three years, all of which contained some of the best memories of my life. He made it clear from the beginning his work was the most important thing to him in his life; and it was his work that drove him away. Three thousand miles to be exact.
When we broke up, it was devastating. I’d never had my heart broken before, so I reached out to friends I knew had been in my shoes before. For days, they told me exactly what I needed to hear: life goes on, you’ll find another man to love, time heals all. But one thing they said really struck home – “The best way to get over a man is to get under another one…”
I thought about it for some time. My ex and I had the best sex life you could ever imagine. In fact it was one of the things that kept us together, which is terrible to say. When hookup apps became the rage, I was at a place in my life where I needed sexual gratification. I bought into it hardcore, but when I met my ex, it become unneeded. Now that we were done, I desperately needed a distraction, and the first thing I thought of was sex.
His face wouldn’t leave my mind. Everywhere I looked I saw my ex smiling with his perfect teeth and chiseled jaw line. I missed him, but I knew I needed to get over it. There was nothing I can do to change how things ended; all I wanted was to move on, but how? I thought to myself, “I’m single now. I can have casual sex and not feel guilty about it,” so in minor desperation, I downloaded Grindr.
I felt like I was cheating. Three years of habitual monogamy trained my brain into punishing myself for seeking another man’s attention. Every click, message, and photo was drenched in guilt, but also adrenaline. I was excited and scared to distract myself because, truth be told, I didn’t want to get over him. I didn’t want to be distracted. I wanted to hold onto his ghost, hoping that one day he’ll come to his senses. That is, until the messages started rolling in.
I’m not condoning Grindr by any sense, but I can’t deny the feeling of worth I had when countless of messages began filling my inbox. They reminded me there are guys out there who wanted me – whether it was for sex or not, I was desired. There were guys within a mile of me that would easily distract me from my broken heart, however short-lived our meetings might be.
In the following weeks, I met up with four guys – each hotter than the other and, dare I say, hotter than my ex. In a way, it was comforting to know that we had the same intention. Nothing more, nothing less. They were helping me and I was helping them. I took out my frustration on them, and they took theirs out on me. As time went on, I started to become less attached to the memories of my ex and more open to what the world might offer. The experiences became a baby-step process for me to allow potential candidates back in my radar.
Say what you want about hookup apps, but Grindr gave me discrete opportunities to free myself from my woes. Heartbreak is never easy to experience, but in a weird way, Grindr helped to introduce myself back to society. It steered my focus away from pain and shifted it towards the future in a rather unexpected way.
I’ve since deleted Grindr because it gave me what it needed to bring. But I’m grateful that it was there during this time, otherwise I’d still be drinking boxed wine by myself in my living room with my hand down my pants. The struggle was definitely real, but I found a realization to move forward all thanks to a hookup app.
Who knew.
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