(IMAGE) Are Nice Guys Overlooked In The Gay Community?

By: David Artavia 
GAY GUYS


Do nice guys finish last in the gay community? You can’t go two blocks in a gay neighborhood nowadays without the feeling of being judged or scanned up and down. Unless you play the game, it’s as if you’re left to fend for yourself.

It’s hard to tell someone’s intention in today’s world. There’s a defense mechanism, almost territorial-like way of responding to nice people with no real motive. When someone is a kind soul, it seems like people always view them as “out to get something.”

It’s Survival of the Fittest on a giant scale. It’s those who lay it out there, who are in it to win it, or who fight their way to the top that gain an imaginative “social status,” and are therefore worthy of praise and attention. But nice guys are rarely a part of the game, if at all.


It’s obvious that stereotyping exists in the gay community, especially among those who are in the “scene.” There’s an invisible food chain. In case you haven’t noticed, those on top get into the best parties, VIP status at the bars, and have thousands of followers on social media. Those on the bottom get eyes rolled at them, wait hours to get their bill, and are asked to leave when they don’t know the party’s host.

For nice guys, at least in my case, trying to be a part of the community has been difficult. You want more gay people in your life, yet you feel pressure to conform to certain qualities in order to get the stamp of approval. Unless you look like an Abercrombie & Fitch model, nice guys are easily overlooked. If, in theory, stereotypes are so prevalent today, where would the nice guy fit in to this logic?

To be nice means your naïve, or “green” to how the world works. It’s totally like a scene in a movie. “You’re new around here, huh?” a tough guy would ask. “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you,” the nice guy enthusiastically responds, after which the tough guy snickers, takes a drink and says, “You’ll learn, kid.” My entire experience as a young adult, in a nutshell.

I’ve been out for six years, and in that time my personality has barely altered. I’ve always been a simple guy from Texas who tries to see the best in everything and everyone. But more often than not, I still get asked the question, “Are you new here?” as if I just got off the boat. I’ve been living in LA for 5 ½ years.

Before you think that all I’m doing is bitching about why I feel “nice guys” are being ignored in the gay community, my true opinion is that it doesn’t really matter, because I love who I am. If we didn’t have nice people in the world, we wouldn’t have role models who show compassion or empathy – something I learned from my 3^rd grade teacher, such an annoyingly nice lady. See? Now I’m doing it.

If everyone makes the effort of at least trying to be open to different personalities, perhaps it can be a better world – and dare I say it, a happier place.