(IMAGE) Why Depression Won’t Ever Stop Me From Finding Love!

By: David Artavia 
GAY GUYS

It’s an effort nowadays to find a neutral state of being. My heart is constantly being tugged and dragged to the ground by an invisible force, which often goes unnoticed until I’m pinned with grief. The cause is always unknown but one thing is for sure: I have to fight like hell every single day.

People today are afraid to confront sadness—we think it keeps us from achieving our goals. It’s a toxic trait we try and steer away from. We stopped training ourselves on how to deal with it because we’re convinced sadness is contagious. When we’re around a friend who’s sad, our first instinct is to runaway rather than to console or listen.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I know what love looks like (some people go their whole lives without ever knowing). My body remembers how it feels, how it tastes, how it moves—a gentle surprise like a giggle in your tummy.

(IMAGE) Are Nice Guys Overlooked In The Gay Community?

By: David Artavia 
GAY GUYS


Do nice guys finish last in the gay community? You can’t go two blocks in a gay neighborhood nowadays without the feeling of being judged or scanned up and down. Unless you play the game, it’s as if you’re left to fend for yourself.

It’s hard to tell someone’s intention in today’s world. There’s a defense mechanism, almost territorial-like way of responding to nice people with no real motive. When someone is a kind soul, it seems like people always view them as “out to get something.”

It’s Survival of the Fittest on a giant scale. It’s those who lay it out there, who are in it to win it, or who fight their way to the top that gain an imaginative “social status,” and are therefore worthy of praise and attention. But nice guys are rarely a part of the game, if at all.

(IMAGE) The Naked Truth: How Stripping Down Built My Self-Confidence!

 

by Gabriel Ruas Santos Rocha 

In my first foray into the world of Folsom Street East (the largest fetish block party on the East Coast) I didn't know what to expect. A friend of mine had asked me to go with him. Upon our arrival, one of the first tents we encountered was of the Visual AIDS -- an organization that utilizes art to provoke dialogue and supports HIV+ artists. A (very) handsome semi-naked man greeted us cheerfully and invited us to support the cause; "Do you want to take a polaroid for Benjamin's project?" I was in for the thrill of the ride and had promised myself I would let whatever happened, happen. We signed a waiver (which we didn't read) and as we headed down the cue my friend started stripping down. Was there a memo I never got? We were in the middle of the street in broad daylight.

Being naked in public was basically my worst fear, coming to life. "well, if you can go surfing, you can get naked in front of hundreds of people, it'll be a nice test!" -- I figured. I took my clothes off, leaving on only the skimpy jockstraps I was wearing. Onlookers immediately complimented me for keeping it classic and not branching out with one of those more recent colorful designs. "wow, the real sports jock, that's hot!" Parents and their young children walked by as I laid my clothes down on the foldable table; it was all vonnegutesque.

(IMAGE) Nothing is Wrong With You Because You’re Single!

By: David Artavia


Human beings are quick to judge each other’s lives when they’re different from our own. When we’re children we envision ourselves at 30—married with children and a successful career. But it’s the 21^st century; no one is safe from disappointment.

You’re single and always have been. You’re just turning thirty, or, are a man of a certain age. You’ve tried desperately to find a man you can commit to; sometimes you see okay candidates, other times the same damn issues appear again. So we blame ourselves.

Something must be wrong with us because we’re single. Why? Because our friends who we think are hot messes have had no problem finding relationships. We observe people who seemingly have their sh*t together: they’re always long-term committed, having multiple boyfriends for countless of years. You on the other hand have managed to keep pimples longer than boyfriends.

(IMAGE) Stop Pressuring Yourself to be Perfect!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS


I’ve always wanted to be someone I’m not. For years I carried the image of a man I hoped people associated me with, and for years I tried my hardest to match it. But all this time while I was chasing an imaginary person, I was neglecting my actual self.

I ran in circles always pressuring myself to be what I thought they wanted me to be. Before I knew it, years had passed and I still hadn’t given myself time to know who I was. I didn’t want to. The only person I had time for was the imaginary man I was striving to become. “He” was getting all the acclaim while I tried to stay in the corner. Little by little I felt myself disappear.

If we spend our whole lives trying to be what our culture tells us is “perfect,” we are always going to be slaves. This mindset will stay and morph into something ugly. It will bleed into all aspects of our lives; soon we’ll never be satisfied until we get approval. Little by little we’ll forget what our voice sounds like. We’ll end up becoming a blind wonderer searching for something we cannot define, driven by the applause from others.

(IMAGE) The Invisible Life of A Non-Stereotypical Gay Man!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

As a gay guy, stereotypes follow me everywhere I go. I’m not a fan of them nor do I encourage them in my own life, but it never ceases to amaze me how often we’re associated with such ideas even when we clearly don’t match the image. For gay guys who don’t fit the world’s interpretation of a homosexual, life can be a continuing cycle of coming outs. 

Not until recently have I begun to hear the uncomfortable questions, “How does your wife feel about it?” or “What does your wife do?” or “I bet you’re a lady-killer, aren’t you?” Each and every time I do it’s a reminder of how I’m perceived. Even if I don’t fit into common misconceptions, in a way it’s made meeting people a bit more awkward. I’m sure there are others who can say the same.

There’s tremendous pressure that comes with assumptions. As soon as we’re assumed to be anything we feel obligated to either keep it that way or prove them wrong somehow. Most gay guys don’t feel the need to proclaim their orientation everywhere they go so it’s easy for us to fall in an awkward dispense of belief to please our bosses, coworkers, neighbors, even high school friends. As someone who’s not the most masculine guy on the planet, I can’t help but wonder if the term “masculine” is losing its importance.

(IMAGE) Young,Gay & Broke…But Still Fabulous!

By: Blake Michaels
GAY GUYS

Money is like a deity, honey, and we all are quick to get on our hands and knees and work for it. But no matter how hard we sweat we never seem to have enough to live the kind of lifestyle we proclaim to have—gay nightlife requires us to spend money like there’s no tomorrow. But nowadays everyone seems to be broke…

I’m not going to be all high brow and pretend like I have money. I don’t. In fact, our lack of money is a common thread my friends and I share. But another thing that links us together is an understanding that you don’t need money to have a good time. If that were the case I’d have been dead years ago.

Wake up and look in the mirror—that didn’t cost you a cent, honey.

(IMAGE) How to Gain Sex Appeal Without Ever Going to the Gym!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

Sex appeal is hard to come by because it’s ingrained within us. We can’t describe why we’ve fallen for the barista down the street, our sexy neighbor who helps us take out the trash, or that one Uber driver with a permanent smile. It’s more than just confidence. They have it.

But this “it” thing isn’t attained at the gym. Sure you might be super attracted to a man with a chiseled body, but that’s not sex appeal. They’re eye candy, and candy is always eaten eventually. If you want sex appeal, no need to go to the gym.

(IMAGE) How to Handle Rejection in a Healthier Way!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

Every rejection is another reminder that someone or something doesn’t “want” us. We consider it evidence to what our true value is—we aren’t worthy enough to have it, therefor we aren’t good enough for anything. The cycle continues until we start to believe it.

Take comfort in knowing that all humans have felt this way at some point in their lives. It’s the only way we allow ourselves to self-reflect on what our purpose ought to be. If we received everything we ever wanted in life, chances are we’d never know the value of it.

Rejection is a part of humanity, and quite an important one at that. 99.9% of the time things aren’t going to work out according to plan—it’s how we handle it that makes us grow.

(SEX TALK) Stop Blaming Yourself for Catching an STD!

 

By: Blake Michaels
GAY GUYS

When I found out I had chlamydia, I blamed myself for it. It was because of all the times I’d snuck around on Grindr, the lack of discipline I had when it came to sex, and the countless of men I’d lured into my apartment over the years. I love to have fun, but at times it overtook my life. An STD was a tiny warning, and I knew it would only get more intense if I didn’t change my habits. But after days of feeling dirty and ashamed of myself, I realized how silly I was being.

STDs happen, people. When they do, it’s easy to blame ourselves; we want to run and hide underneath our bed sheets and never come out. I was close to falling inside a deep depression, especially when I had to call my previous one night stands to tell them about it. But what happens after you get tested positive for an STD? Does it inspire you to change your lifestyle towards a less promiscuous future?

(COMMUNITY) Are Average Joe’s Being Overlooked In The Gay Community?

By: Jerry Plaza
GAY GUYS

My mom always told me I was the “cutest thing she ever did see.” Her crooked smile, red lipstick, and piercing blue eyes used to persuade me out of the deepest of insecurities. For a while I believed her, that is, until I began to get into the gay scene.

When I was in my roaring twenties, I waited in anticipation for Friday night to come. My boys and I would take over the boulevard (or any other place we can find) and reek havoc. During that time, it was easy to see that we didn’t exactly fit in. Not that we were unattractive, per say. After all, I did have a 30″ waist and a killer smile, but when it came to the “hot or not” categories, I was nearly always place in the “not.”

Today, it seems like nothing has changed in the gay scene. Sure it’s an incomplete representation of what the gay community is like as a whole, but for many non-LGBT people in the world, they take it as the whole pie. As a young man fresh out of the closet, I took it as an accurate portrayal of what my new “role” as a gay man was.

(IMAGE) To The Gay Men Who Don’t Even Look My Way!

 

By: Jay\
GAY GUYS

I don’t workout, I don’t wear designer clothes and I don’t wax my body hair. After hearing that you may find it hard to believe me when I say I’m a gay man.

A pleasant surprise to find out that my email to the editor of gayguys.com was responded to with open arms. A lot of great topics on this site, and a few that are not so good. But the thing that bothers me the most is the lack of other types of gay men in photos attached to the articles.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like to look at hot half naked guys, but I would also like to see someone that looks like me (or just someone who isn’t an Abercrombie model).

(COMMUNITY) 10 Struggles of Being a Nice Guy in the Gay Hookup Culture!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

Being a nice guy is hard, especially in a world where superiority complexes are aspired to. As a guy born with a naturally nice disposition, being anything but nice feels selfish. It feels likes I’m going against everything I know is true. But every once in a while, you need to step it up. It’s become expected.

It’s hard for anyone to date in this digital hookup culture, but for gay guys it’s especially hard because it’s sunk into our mindset. How in the world can Mr. Nice Guy thrive in an environment full of Mr. Right Nows?

(IMAGE) How My Psycho Ex-Boyfriend Made Me a Better Person!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

Last year I was unlucky enough to have dated a psycho. He charmed everyone with his perfect teeth, dancer-boy posture and recycled jokes. The world thought I was lucky to be with him, and so did I; that is until he showed his true colors.

Everyone has a little psycho in them somewhere. It’s an animal instinct given to us by our ancestors, who weren’t exactly cultured—they hunted, killed and gained intuition to protect themselves from predators. But today the intuitive skills have names: anxiety and paranoia—the only thing they protect us from now is reality.
My ex-boyfriend was the type of man who would spill a drink off the table and blame me for putting it too close to the edge. He’d be jealous of everyone around me. At first I thought it was sexy. Who wouldn’t want a man to be jealous of them? To me, he was preserving what was his; and I was his property. At the beginning I was fine with it but as our relationship started to forge, my freedom become his.

(IMAGE) A Nice Body Won’t Get You a Boyfriend, But a Better Personality Will!

By: David Artavia
Gay Guys

 I’ve heard for years, “If you want to get a hot man, you need to hit the gym,” and for years I believed it. It’s true in many ways that hot people only want to sleep with hot people. The more I worked out my buns, the more eyes I started to attract – eyes that were attached to ridiculously good looking guys.

I didn’t have a problem with it. After endless hours of working on my body, if I didn’t get some kind of attention I’d be pissed. But as wandering eyes become more frequent, I realized that everyone (yes, everyone) was wrong. A nice body didn’t grant me opportunities to find a boyfriend. All it did was create situations for better sex.

Gay guys are visual creatures because we’re men. We can’t help it. We love window shopping – the grocery store, coffee shop, corner market. It’s easy to attract attention, but is it really the kind of attention we want if we’re looking for a long term boyfriend?

(IMAGE) The Battle Of Accepting Your Own Beauty!

By: David Artavia
Gay Guys 


It’s hard for gay guys to accept the fact that they’re beautiful, especially when much of our perception on people lies on the physical. The sad result is unconscious self-judgment. My body isn’t good enough, my talent is good enough, my job isn’t good enough, my personality isn’t good enough, ultimately leading to the worst of them all: I’m not good enough.

The more we judge our self-worth on how many likes we have on Facebook or how many compliments we get a day, the more dependent we will become on other people’s approval – rather than our own. It has to come from us first. Once we can fathom the idea that, indeed, we are beautiful and we do deserve
 happiness, it’s like laying out a welcome mat for beauty to enter our lives. Trust me, I know from experience.

(IMAGE) 15 Things All Gay Guys Should Stop Doing to Themselves!

By: David Artavia 

No one is a saint. I can vouch for that. But the world as a whole is slowly accepting that gay people are, in fact, alive, well, and becoming less afraid to show their true colors. With that comes a greater responsibility. Too often gay guys are becoming their own worst enemy, turning social perception into social habit. We have the power to change our own lives, and if you ask me, we can start by not doing the following:

(IMAGE) 10 Reasons Why Gay Guys Hate Their Bodies

By: David Artavia 

 NUDE IS THE NEW BLACK?

Gay guys everywhere are cursing their bodies as a matter of form. It’s become normal to not like the way you look so more people are joining in on the fun. Personally, I find it a disgrace. As someone who actually loves his body, I know what it’s like to experience social pressure tempting me to feel otherwise. It’s as if our entire culture supports self-loathing. But where did it all start? I have a few theories: