(IMAGE) Nothing is Wrong With You Because You’re Single!

By: David Artavia


Human beings are quick to judge each other’s lives when they’re different from our own. When we’re children we envision ourselves at 30—married with children and a successful career. But it’s the 21^st century; no one is safe from disappointment.

You’re single and always have been. You’re just turning thirty, or, are a man of a certain age. You’ve tried desperately to find a man you can commit to; sometimes you see okay candidates, other times the same damn issues appear again. So we blame ourselves.

Something must be wrong with us because we’re single. Why? Because our friends who we think are hot messes have had no problem finding relationships. We observe people who seemingly have their sh*t together: they’re always long-term committed, having multiple boyfriends for countless of years. You on the other hand have managed to keep pimples longer than boyfriends.


Let me be the first to say that nothing is wrong with you. The more you tell yourself this the longer you’re going to be sinking inside evil. You might tread fine but eventually you’re going to be tired, and ultimately banish yourself from happiness and joy—all based on a lie.

It’s time to stop going to parties assuming everyone is better than you. It’s time to stop losing friends because you think you can’t offer anything. It’s time to stop telling yourself you’re not enough for the world and for love and for the men you crush on. It’s time to change the outlook on yourself from “I don’t deserve you” to “Do you deserve me?”

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. All that matters is what you think of them. You’re the person you will be living with for the rest of your life—it’s going to be hell trying to please the world if you can’t even please yourself.

Single gay men everywhere try to please guys who don’t like them because in their mind, they think rejection is due to inadequacy. People pleasing is a habit all of us try to wean out of in our twenties, but many of us don’t unfortunately.

Trust me when I say that you’re single because you allow yourself to be. Anyone can be in a relationship—it’s not hard. You meet someone and make a decision to commit, to be monogamous, to decide that for the rest of your life (or for however long you can take it) your milestones will henceforth be shared. It’s a conscious decision, not magic.

You don’t want to be single. I don’t know why, but you don’t really want to be in a relationship either. You think you need one or the other but you’re becoming irritable to the notion of not knowing, and it’s driving you nuts.

The world sends you messages, but your heart often mistranslates it as scripture. It’s a human need to want to survive, and in order to survive in this day and age one needn’t rock the boat. In an effort to stay afloat, we sacrifice our true desires. It’s been years since we knew what those desires were that in order to find them again we have to rid ourselves of the noise. But how do we do that?

If we want to know our true wants, we have to pay attention to our instincts. It doesn’t make sense to talk about how much we want a boyfriend when we’re always pushing people away. It also doesn’t make sense to say that we always want to be single, yet we’re serial monogamists.

In everything we do we make compensations for the alternative.

You’re not single because something is wrong with you. You’re single because you make excuses from going after what you really want. It’s not rocket science. Relationships are hard to maintain, but only because we want to work at it. Sometimes we don’t, so, we don’t. If you truly want to find a man, stop talking to your computer and go out there and find him.