(COMMUNITY) Being An Adult In Today’s Gay Culture Sucks…!

By: Jerry Plaza
GAY GUYS

Being an adult sucks. Deep down, there are remnants of a child we once were – innocent, full of life, nothing to worry about. Nowadays, everyone is competing with one another in such aggressive ways it’s hard to maintain any kind of childlike wonder anymore. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

As a gay guy approaching thirty, it’s difficult to look back. I’m a writer still making minimum wage, and although I am successful in work, I’m nowhere near where other friends my age are – the ones who chose a more practical field. I ask myself every day why I continue to hustle, and I always come back to the same realization: because it’s my “role.”

We all have roles. Though some might be more lucrative than others, society can’t function without the completion of all roles. Sure we have a choice in the matter, but at the end of the day, if we aren’t doing what we know we’re good at, someone else will. In today’s culture everyone thinks they can do everything. In the gay community especially, the need to prove our value has become toxic.


What is the “role” of an adult gay man in the broad spectrum of things? If I were to listen to the media, I’d say we’ve taken on the best friend role – an accessory women must have, the wingman all straight guys need, and the therapist everyone deserves. Being a gay adult doesn’t mean we become blind to these prototypes that are constantly shoved in our faces. Deep down there’s still a child who wants to be loved, valued, and admired by his friends. We still want to be popular and respected so it’s easy to do what the world expects us to do.

In the days when YouTube, Facebook, and iPhones didn’t exist, all we had were the support of each other. There was always an image to match up to, don’t get me wrong, but there was also a requirement to connect. It was the only way for us to recognize our worth. Now, our worth depends on how trending we are online. I can’t help but wonder how this effects our priorities as adults, and how we transfer it to younger generations.

It seems like our culture wants us to stay as young as possible for as long as possible, but the truth of the matter is being an adult requires initiative. You need to choose when it’s time grow up, but damn it, it’s easier said than done.

The greatest thing about being a gay man in today’s world is how easy it is to stay a boy. Our culture doesn’t really want us to grow up and if you think about it, there’s no reason for it. Reality sucks, but the “life” doesn’t. I remember first coming out and being exposed to gay guys my age – we were all there for each other during the slutty times, emotional times, and times when we thought it’d never end. But eventually there comes a moment when we all realize it’s time to start being an adult.

Being an adult sucks. Anyone will tell you that. We take on responsibilities most of us have no idea how to handle, and it becomes mandatory to close a very fun chapter in our lives to welcome the new one. I know it might be scary, but believe me when I say every door closed is a springboard towards a higher level of consciousness. Life is a series of steps, and it’s impossible to progress a cheater. In order to learn what life is about, we need to always welcome what comes next with an open heart. Sometimes things don’t match up to how we thought they would, and that’s okay.

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our lives. It takes a while to see it; in fact you can’t even appreciate it until long after it’s finished. The only thing you can do is know that whatever you’re experiencing at the present moment is only a challenge, not a dead end.