(COMMUNITY) Pretentious Gay Guys are Taking Over Facebook & It’s Blinding Us From Reality!

By: David Artavia

Social media has become a quiet (kind of obvious) way to brag or show off—Lord knows what you’re bragging about is true or not.

We have become our own directors. We’ve mastered the art of angles, the ability to focus on one thing but really wanting us to pay attention to something else, i.e. taking a picture of your breakfast but in reality it’s your shirtless body you want us to admire.

Shirtless torsos, condescending commentary, bullying posts, rants, and toxic attitudes are everywhere. We have enough of those in the real world, so naturally they need to haunt us online too. There’s literally almost no escape.

Facebook has turned into journaling.

(COMMUNITY) Straight Men Who Chase After a Gay Guy’s Love!

By: Jerry Plaza


We had a saying when I was doing theater in high school. There’s always a “token straight guy” in every show – the one straight guy in the middle of horny gays and gals who eventually becomes the center of everyone’s attention. Girls flirt with him, gay guys lust after him, and he sits back with his arms behind his head enjoying every second of it. This kind of straight men still exists in the grownup world, but if you ask me it’s gone a bit overboard. Straight men seem to enjoy the attention so much they’ve gotten used to manipulating the hearts of innocent gay guys who actually think they have a chance.

We’ve all gone through it at one point in our lives. It’s no ones fault. After all, straight guys have the ability to attract gay men with little to no effort not because they’re “straight acting” or “more masculine” but because there’s a psychological game happening when we’re around people we know we can’t have. It’s animalistic, knowing we have to fight for our meat is sexy. But are straight guys taking advantage of it?

(COMMUNITY) How to Stop Being in the Gay "Friend" Zone!

By: Jerry Plaza

Sometimes it takes a while to form an intimate connection. I’ve known couples that were friends for years before any romantic spark happened. The friend zone is an interesting place to be when you’re a gay guy, mainly because most of us find it easy to fall for a man as soon as we get close.

When I was young I fell in love a lot. So much so that it was hard for me to be friends with any gay man – within a matter of days, I’d start to grow feelings. When you’re in the friend zone, it seems like your hours are numbered before you start to become attracted to each other. Meeting a guy we really connect with on a platonic level is rare, so when we find him we instantly want something more. But what happens when it’s clear the other person doesn’t want to take it to the next level?

(COMMUNITY) 10 Tips on Growing Older for LGBT People Under 40!

 

The Advocate asked some guests for advice they would give to LGBT people under 40 as they prepare for the journey of growing older. From financial to spiritual to practical, here are 10 pearls of wisdom they offered.

Here are the top 3, but click here to read the full list.

1. "Stop chasing your 20s." "Respect your elders, and listen to them and the ones that came before you. Really think about the future. Don’t just think backwards, but think forwards. I think we’re so youth-obsessed, especially in our 20s and 30s. I’m happier than I’ve ever been at 30. I’m thrilled that my 20s are over." — Blake McIver (Bravo's The People's Couch)

2. "Get your finances in order." "The heart will take care of itself, but your finances won’t. Listen, research, learn, read, get everything in order, save, save, save, and invest as best as you can. Because no one’s gonna take care of us but us." — Carolyn Hennesy (You're Killing Me, General Hospital)

3. Don’t drink excessively or do drugs. "Take care of your body. [Substance abuse] is a huge problem in our community, and I think a lot of young people are really not taking that into account. They do a lot of drugs. They do a lot of drinking. And I think [a healthy lifestyle] is one of the keys to getting older." — Christian Taylor (Eye Candy)

SOURCE: WGB

(COMMUNITY) How to Handle Negative Friends!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

There are people in this world who are always going to be negative—they can’t help it. They’ve trained themselves to close their minds off from possibilities and choosing to focus on the lack of them. Over time these self-constraints pile up to create personal enslavement, which affects everyone around them.

I’ve been there, we all have: those days where everything you do seems to be wrong and never ends up getting you where you want to go. But eventually, something happens that gives us a glimmer of hope. We hold onto that hope for dear life, hoping it will grow. Much to our surprise, it usually does—this is because we unconsciously had been relishing in positivity in spite of ourselves.

(COMMUNITY) Are Average Joe’s Being Overlooked In The Gay Community?

By: Jerry Plaza
GAY GUYS

My mom always told me I was the “cutest thing she ever did see.” Her crooked smile, red lipstick, and piercing blue eyes used to persuade me out of the deepest of insecurities. For a while I believed her, that is, until I began to get into the gay scene.

When I was in my roaring twenties, I waited in anticipation for Friday night to come. My boys and I would take over the boulevard (or any other place we can find) and reek havoc. During that time, it was easy to see that we didn’t exactly fit in. Not that we were unattractive, per say. After all, I did have a 30″ waist and a killer smile, but when it came to the “hot or not” categories, I was nearly always place in the “not.”

Today, it seems like nothing has changed in the gay scene. Sure it’s an incomplete representation of what the gay community is like as a whole, but for many non-LGBT people in the world, they take it as the whole pie. As a young man fresh out of the closet, I took it as an accurate portrayal of what my new “role” as a gay man was.

(COMMUNITY) Cynical Gay Guys Are a New Breed of Crazy!

By: David Artavia

I’m getting up there in age and with each passing year, I like to throw away toxic behaviors that have held me back—regret, shame, guilt, feelings of worthlessness. I’m twenty-eight now, and after all these years I’ve forgotten to rid myself of the most toxic of all: cynical friendships.

Cynical gay guys are a new breed of crazy because they’re never wrong.

When I was young and naïve, I desperately needed someone to pull me out of my shell rather than push me into a pit of self-doubt. Unfortunately it’s not how things turned out. I assumed I was stronger around cynical attitudes because at least they had courage to speak their minds, even if it was damaging to others. I was too scared to express myself that I became a slave to abrasive attitudes.

(COMMUNITY) Are Tops Going Extinct in the Gay Community?

By: Blake Michaels

I’m the kind of guy who likes to try every flavor in the ice cream bar, OK? Trust me honey in my life I’ve been on top, bottom, sideways and upside down – I have strong opinions on all. But lately it seems like the gay community is overpopulated with bottoms and power bottoms. Have tops gone extinct?

Where are all the tops, I ask. If you don’t think this is an issue, then you’re probably a top (or “prefer” to top), which means you’re more likely not to have an issue getting laid nowadays. Not that I need to worry about getting some, but it seems like my sex life lately has been a broken record. All these pesky bottoms out there want to bottom, but no one is willing to step onto the pitcher’s mount.

With so many bottoms running ramped, it’s enough to make even the proudest of tops go versatile. They’ve quickly learned that bottoms get the better end of the deal, so they slowly put the “vers” label on their profiles. Eventually they learn bottoming is God’s gift to mankind and as time goes by, they’re full fledged bottoms with a capital B.

(SEX TALK) Can Smoking Pot Make Straight Guys Temporarily Gay?

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS 

There’s no question that drugs open up our minds to loosen our egos. They limit our mental filters in such a way that we’re able to discover incredible truths about who we are and where we want to go. Trust me, I have experience in this. So does it really come as a surprise that straight guys often “discover” their gay fantasies while being high?

Thanks to an anonymous user on Reddit (via NewNowNext), the question was raised and you might be surprised with some of the responses. “I feel very attracted to girls and not at all to men when sober,” he writes, “but when I get high I just want a big cock to suck and man who f**ks the shit out of me… I’m still attracted to girls while high, but I sometimes feel weirded by male friends with whom I don’t usually feel attracted to.”

(RELATIONSHIPS) Is Monogamy REALLY Natural For Gay Men?

 

By: David Artavia

I love being a gay man. It allows me to have perspectives on the human condition that straight people may not be able to tap into. It also allows me to understand the way a man’s behavior is supposed to be – gay, straight, or otherwise. We’re built for sex. Our bodies require us to have some type of release in order to feel grounded and sane inside our heads. Monogamy, it seems, was created by society rather than nature. Could it be argued that humans actually weren’t meant to be monogamous after all?

As much as I’d like to daydream about the idea, I know for a fact that I’m a man who requires monogamy. It might be the Latin blood flowing through my veins that keep me from seeing anything else (my people get super jealous from time to time), but the argument still exists.

According to LiveScience, only 3 – 5% of the roughly 5,000 species of mammals (including humans) are known to form lifelong monogamous bonds – beavers, wolves and some bats are among them. But what are the benefits? Why do humans put so much weight on the idea behind commitment? Some psychologists suggest it may have been created for the wellbeing of our offspring. But the system in which we go about it is vastly different from other animals roaming the earth.

(COMMUNITY) Being An Adult In Today’s Gay Culture Sucks…!

By: Jerry Plaza
GAY GUYS

Being an adult sucks. Deep down, there are remnants of a child we once were – innocent, full of life, nothing to worry about. Nowadays, everyone is competing with one another in such aggressive ways it’s hard to maintain any kind of childlike wonder anymore. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

As a gay guy approaching thirty, it’s difficult to look back. I’m a writer still making minimum wage, and although I am successful in work, I’m nowhere near where other friends my age are – the ones who chose a more practical field. I ask myself every day why I continue to hustle, and I always come back to the same realization: because it’s my “role.”

We all have roles. Though some might be more lucrative than others, society can’t function without the completion of all roles. Sure we have a choice in the matter, but at the end of the day, if we aren’t doing what we know we’re good at, someone else will. In today’s culture everyone thinks they can do everything. In the gay community especially, the need to prove our value has become toxic.

(COMMUNITY) 10 Struggles of Being a Nice Guy in the Gay Hookup Culture!

By: David Artavia
GAY GUYS

Being a nice guy is hard, especially in a world where superiority complexes are aspired to. As a guy born with a naturally nice disposition, being anything but nice feels selfish. It feels likes I’m going against everything I know is true. But every once in a while, you need to step it up. It’s become expected.

It’s hard for anyone to date in this digital hookup culture, but for gay guys it’s especially hard because it’s sunk into our mindset. How in the world can Mr. Nice Guy thrive in an environment full of Mr. Right Nows?

(COMMUNITY) Just Because I’m Nice Doesn’t Mean I’m Flirting With Your Boyfriend!

By: Jerry Plaza
Gay Guys

Just because I’m a nice guy doesn’t mean I’m flirting with your boyfriend. I refuse to be the target of jealous assumptions and misconceptions based on nothing but a smile—how many gay guys have you accused of trying to steal your man?

I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity greeter. I don’t discriminate friendliness whether you’re a man, woman, single or taken—everyone is going to get a hug and some serious eye contact. But lately it seems like every “taken” guy I meet has a pair of eyeballs directly behind him glaring at me with such intensity that will make any guy want to back away slowly.

This is the reason why it’s hard for single gay guys to make friends with couples, at least sometimes. Not all boyfriends are overly jealous, but those who are not only limit their circle of friends to couples only, but they also make guys like me so paranoid that we start questioning ourselves: “Was I too friendly?” “Was I not supposed to touch him?” “Do they think I was trying to get in the middle?” “Did I overstep my boundaries?” “Was it my fault?”

(COMMUNITY) New Survey Shows How Racist the Gay Community Is!

By: David Artavia 

No one wants to talk about race. No one. We’ve been living in such a bubble that the idea of racism is extremely uncomfortable. We don’t want to be labeled a “racist” because they’re all bad, evil, and unfair. But the sad truth is our society is constructed in such a way to make everyone racist.

There is only one race: the human race. It’s human beings that created racism. In a way, it’s a mental illness because it keeps us from seeing reality. Our culture creates ideas and builds upon stereotypes to shape logic and to point us towards ridiculous judgments on people’s characters. The gay community is quick to say that we aren’t a part of it; after all, we are also judged by society so why would we judge someone based on the color of their skin? The truth of the matter is there is extreme racism bubbling beneath the surface.

A recent issue of the UK-based FS: The Gay Health and Life Mag surveyed over 850 black, white, Asian, South Asian, Arab and mixed race gay men to share their thoughts on racism.