GAY GUYS
Being a nice guy is hard, especially in a world where superiority complexes are aspired to. As a guy born with a naturally nice disposition, being anything but nice feels selfish. It feels likes I’m going against everything I know is true. But every once in a while, you need to step it up. It’s become expected.
It’s hard for anyone to date in this digital hookup culture, but for gay guys it’s especially hard because it’s sunk into our mindset. How in the world can Mr. Nice Guy thrive in an environment full of Mr. Right Nows?
The struggles are real. Here are just a few:
#1) You’re searching for something most men aren’t willing to offer.
Most of the world tries to keep an emotional distance with new love. We’ve been hurt in the past so we need to keep our hearts in a cage. We’ve been lied to, disappointed, led on, taken advantage of or are too afraid to commit long term that we’ve built a pattern of disconnection. Nice guys always see the best in people, and often live in the present rather than dwelling on the past. We see a guy that has everything we want, but usually discover he’s unwilling to open up. The sad truth is you can’t change someone’s mind or heart if they have no desire for it.
#2) No good deed ever goes unpunished.
When you try to do something nice, there always seems to be a “hidden agenda” behind it. Sometimes they’ll get annoyed by how easy going you are that they try and pick a fight for no particular reason, just to see if you have the balls to argue back. It’s like being chill and down for anything has become a sign that you’re weak minded, inferior, or naïve.
#3) Your distaste in competition makes guys believe that you aren’t man enough.
It’s not in your nature to compete with guys who are trying to woo the pants off of someone. But the rules of nature require men to constantly compete for a mate, so, in the mind of the wooed, he assumes you’re not man enough to take him on. Being too good to compete for someone’s affection has turned into a reflection of how you feel. The truth of the matter is nice guys want desperately to fight for a man’s love, but they’d rather show him by example of character and good deeds – not by pushing guys out of the way and acting like a slave. We have too
#4) Guys think you’re too available, when really you just refuse to play a cat & mouse game.
The whole “cat and mouse” or “hard to get” game doesn’t fly with us. When a guy flakes out on us the first time, we’re not going to get upset and we’ll probably be open to rescheduling. We’re not going to “pretend” to be unavailable to make him think we’re valuable or worthy of chasing – we tell the truth. When we want to see someone, we’re not going to tease the sh*t out of him. We’re going to be honest. Those types of games are childish and we want nothing to do with them.
#5) Guys tell you you’re what they want, but you still get pressure to change yourself.
It’s interesting because you hear from everyone that all a man wants is someone to cuddle, tell secrets, snuggle, have amazing sex, go on romantic dates, and play with your puppies with zero drama and no jealously. Yet when they get what they wished for, they’re never content. Nothing is ever good enough – they either want Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Asshole. Meeting in the middle is hard because we’re so used to labeling. The pressure to change ourselves is huge, but it never feels right.
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